I am holding myself accountable all the time. Questioning, looking, looking again. My friend and I have been talking about racism and marginalization pretty much daily for a couple years. It has helped me tremendously in my own decolonization - to have a buddy who calls me in. I highly recommend you get yourself a buddy who is also doing their own anti-racism work. I think this would make a huge difference in your life.
Hold yourself accountable. When someone calls you in or out, slow down, listen, take responsibility, educate yourself on how you can do better, and make reparations if allowed to restore when you cause harm.
It really is no one else's responsibility but your own. If someone is generous enough to give you some action items thank them, make a plan for yourself, get support, and take the action to do the right thing.
As a coach I made it priority #1 to start my anti-racist journey before I took on a single client and I found myself an anti-racist coach to follow and be in community with. And even then I had times of complacency. Even then I made mis-steps. And as soon as I woke up again I would recommit.
I also made sure to hire my business coach based on knowing she has a HUGE commitment to her own anti-racist work. That was literally my deciding factor between hiring her or someone else. I knew being in community with other leaders and coaches who were on their anti-racist journeys was going to be key. Why? Because I knew these people were deeply in touch with their humanity and LOVE. My anti-racist coach and my business coach are some of the most LOVING people I know.
I also had to dis-engage with some people who proved to be actively racist and spiritual teachers who were teaching disconnect and spiritual bypassing. It was hard at first but then it became extremely clear that I needed to remove myself from toxic communities. If are you in a toxic community or relationship, I urge you to get heaps of support in getting yourself out. Hire a coach or mentor to help you if you can.
I could go on, but what I have to say is that you should know: active anti-racist work is the work of true love for your fellow humans.
To get into community or follow my anti-racist coach go here: https://www.accordingtoweeze.com/