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DIARY OF A WORK FROM HOME MOM OF 3, WHO IS IN START-UP MODE AND TRYING TO SHARE HER VOICE (true stor

DIARY OF A WORK FROM HOME MOM OF 3, WHO IS IN START-UP MODE AND TRYING TO SHARE HER VOICE (true story)

Ohhhh! What time is it? I think I slept 15 minutes last night.

Right, 2 of the kids are in bed with us right now and I am now a sandwich between them.

Uh oh - who is screaming and crying!! Oh shoot, now I guess the 3rd child is sick now too. Screaming child coughing, coming up the hall saying “MOM!!! My throat- my throat! MOM!” Oh shit - is he dying? Do we need to go to the ER? Heart beating super fast. Oh, he has a sore throat and he was upset. And he just woke the other 2 sick babies in my bed who now need EVERYTHING immediately.

Blow noses, nurse baby, make all children tea, husband starts the wood pellet stove. Where am I? Who am I? Do I have appointments today?

Right, gotta call the school and let them know sick kids are staying home. Two older kids now crying because today is pajama day and they are now missing out. Major mom empathy - they have really been looking forward to this and my oldest has not wanted to participate for the last 3 years because of his own fears and now FINALLY when he does actually want to participate he is sick - fuck!

Damn it. There is this facebook post that I REALLY want to get to that is getting me to think about cultural appropriation and my own feelings and personal experiences. I want to give it some good attention. Want to make a difference in the world, right?

Am I using my kids sickness as an excuse to not get back to reading the conversation in that post? Self judgements happening. Am I hiding? I better go check on that damn post.

Responds to post in a half awake kinda way but also feeling better that I am able to show up a little. Is half-ass better than no-ass? More judgements. Ugh, I have a need to share my voice tho.

Feeling so much angst because it would be so nice to just sit down and journal for as long as I want uninterrupted. Haha, what does uninterrupted even mean anymore- cue child wanting to nurse. Also would be amazing to read a bunch of things!!!! I am in a place of openness and deep desire to intake. Feeling some agony over this lack of freedom.

Wonder if I will be able to make any content today? I better go do a 30 second ritual and eat something. Did I even eat dinner last night? Oh right - Vivi had a fever last night so I spoon fed her and then I ate something at some point I think.

Wait - the children. Makes soup for all the kids and wipes noses and butts and takes temperatures. Oh yeah I actually had gone to the kitchen to get my own self water. Better do that.

Maybe I should just write a diary entry. Am I actually going to put this stupid shit on FB? Well it’s all I have written today and it’s 11am so what the fuck, who cares. No one will see it anyway because algorithms.

And damn, I am such a lucky person I get to stay home with my kids and I get to post stuff online. Feeling very vulnerable today and wanting to stay committed to transparency and how I am feeling jolted in the moment right now. It feels good to write a little. It helps a little. A small release.

Literally going to do my 30 second ritual now (after I help Vivi spit her phlegm into the sink for the 100th time this morning)- I promise! Oh yeah and then go pee.

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